Mark AllenCommit No Nuisance

Mark's scripts

I've written a lot of different scripts and although I'd love to put them all on here for people to read, that would also mean that any old rogue could plunder them. What I've decided to do instead is to include full scripts for stuff that's been performed before and a synopsis for the stuff that hasn't.

A full script for anything listed on this page is available on request. Of course you might think I'm being slightly paranoid about this, but that just confirms my suspicions that you're trying to steal my thoughts.

TV sitcoms
Title Details
Patent Pending Keith Twamley is an unremarkable man, but he has remarkable ideas. The Rotherham–based inventor, who has previously pioneered such ideas as Fizzy Milk, the Cat-a-pelt™ and the Shampoo Pillow, is the subject of a new documentary series by the ‘Patent Pending’ team as he struggles to become a recognised inventor.

The Fundraisers 'Tripod' is a charity dedicated to providing prosthetic limbs for three-legged animals. Despite the noble cause, their fundraising abilities are hampered by a stunningly apathetic Managing Director, an incompetent new volunteer and petty in-fighting between the veteran recruits. Will they ever reach the grand total needed to fund a new limb for a three-legged elephant?

The Fourth Room Three strangers move into a hovel and despite the live-in landlord being imprisoned on their first night, poverty forces them to stay and advertise for someone else. This proves difficult however, as no prospective tenant can ignore the horrors of the fourth room in which they are expected to live. The housemates have to go to increasingly desperate lengths in order to earn the extra rent every week.

TV comedy sketches
Title Details
The Police Budget Cut Sketch Commissioned by BBC Talent's Urban Sketch Team.
The Six Month Review Sketch Screened on ITV1's "Shoot the writers".
The Parent's Evening Sketch Screened on ITV1's "Shoot the writers".
The Barn Sketch Screened on ITV1's "Shoot the writers".

The Board Meeting Sketch Screened on ITV1's "Shoot the writers".
The Careers Development Sketch Screened on ITV1s "Shoot the writers". Shortlisted for best sketch.
The Heterosexual Sketch Filmed by El Barone Productions.
The Job Interview Conspiracy Sketch Filmed by El Barone Productions.
The Emergency Services Sketch Filmed by El Barone Productions.

Title Details
Mindkrieg Eccentric former US Army General Lewis Brunswick has been employed to train a group of British army recruits in his unorthodox psychic operations techniques. The aim is to harness the power of the soldiers' minds to stay one step ahead of the war on terror, but are his controversial policies of “Mindkrieg” the work of a genius or is he simply a nutter?

Keith Twamley Invents Keith Twamley is a Rotherham–based inventor, who has previously pioneered such ideas as Fizzy Milk, the Cat-a-pelt™ and the Shampoo Pillow. He hosts his own show on Radio 4, where he interviews famous inventors, gives callers his own brand of unique advice on the world of inventing and fills the listeners in on the progress made with his latest top secret invention.

Satan's School of Speech and Drama Satan is bored of Hell and has decided to make life more interesting by coming to Earth to recruit some new slaves to mow his eternal lawn. To achieve this, he sets up his very own school of speech and drama, and in exchange for being able to realise their artistic ambition, the recruits agree to sell their souls. The only snag is that Satan has to make them successful.

Title Details
The Hermit An original monologue written in verse and filmed in 2004.

The Horse Stealers A monologue adapted from Anton Chekhov's "The Horse Stealers" and performed in 2000.

The Company of Wolves A monologue written in verse. Adapted from Angela Carter's "The Company of Wolves" and performed in 1998.

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© Mark Allen 2012